What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 09:47
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
This is soul school!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why is Tiananmen Square censored?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why are people nowadays so into anal sex?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I think the readers, may guess!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
Comes on , in middle age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What story do you have involving a public restroom?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
What is the best/cute/funny/playful chat/conversation between brother and sister?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why do men love boobs (irrespective of big or small)?
So, i spoilt her more .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why do I sweat between my legs all the time, top off my legs, all way down?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She found it foreign!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I have no regrets .
Especially a lifetime of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I write beautiful poetry .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i lived it daily.
We all went to grammer schools
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He knew the spot.
I was seconnd youngest,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My life is so biszare .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was 9 years of age.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why did i forgive my father ?
What did i know ?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was very sick at this time too.
I waited trembling.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
All the time i was locked up.
When she asked me how she looked .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Would this be the day?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im still living with it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One cannot live in the past .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
Ive learnt so much.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I will be 64.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
(And it was in our own minds.)
So whats the point in blame.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was in good health!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I don,t even have a pension.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He resisted the act ,that day.
She married twice! .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..